My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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