Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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