Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
