he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
