Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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