they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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