Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
