Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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