So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
