the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
