you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
