There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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