Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
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