even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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