you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
