did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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