8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize