just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize