Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
