no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
