guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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