We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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