guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
