My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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