Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
