Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
