it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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