The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She's the barista slut.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
