This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize