he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
