I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
