yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
