Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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