Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
it hurts more in the daytime
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up under a house in Key West
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