Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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