I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
