I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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