So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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