all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When did angry sex become our thing?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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