I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
