I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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