I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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