You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
