I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
