u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
