The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
