Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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