I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
