Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
