My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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