Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
