"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
