She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
