your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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