We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
