so that wasnt chicken after all
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
