Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
