I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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