dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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