i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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