a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
