if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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