The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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