Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
