he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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