No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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