I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
