she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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