Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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