I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
