so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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