just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
