Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
