onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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