I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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