i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
