At least make sure they are 18
Why
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
