so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
