There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
