my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
