I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
