this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
