I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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