its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
