You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
