i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
