ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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