I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
