mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
