Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
