My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize